Saturday, August 27, 2011

Reortus: page one (revised)

Here's a slightly revised version of my Reortus page that I posted on the facebook page.


Captain Henry R. Staat, Video log: Day 62
According to the numbers on my monitor screen, the date is June 21st 2489. Day and night, however, do not exist in this void of eternal dark punctuated by the pin-pricks of starlight as we sail away from our own beloved star. Two days left until we reach the end of this miserable journey. The only thing that tells me that time really is passing are the clocks on the screens as well as the beating of my own heart, which assures me more so than those digital numbers that I am not trapped in some timeless suspension.  The solitude has been arduous at the highest degree. Two months without a single human voice to draw comfort while the rest of my crew is asleep in wonderful cryonic hibernation where they will awaken once we reach the Space Station Reortus blissfully ignorant of the months that have past. As Captain, it is my morbid duty to stay awake if the instance were to arise that manual control of the ship is necessary.
                The past week has brought the red and blue orb of Mars closer and higher into focus. It truly is a spectacular sight. Right now I am staring into the war god’s hearth with the flame of life being rejuvenated yet again as the terraforming project nearly reaches its eightieth year. Oxygen levels have risen greatly since the introduction of ammonia into the atmosphere near the beginning of the project and the plant life had an unprecedented affect as well. Wide varieties of trees, flowers, grass and shrubs were brought to the red world not sixty years ago now but already green swaths, like a painter’s brush strokes, mar the crimson landscape. Because of the low gravity and extreme amounts of Carbon Dioxide, the introduced vegetation grew nearly twice the size on Mars as they do on earth, creating surreal forests with towering canopies and fruit unimaginable back on earth. It was my cousin, James O’Reilly who took the first unaided breathe on Mars two years ago. Though he could not go more than a minute without an oxygen tank, the act showed just how close we were to being finished.  
                Will I ever be able to walk on the surface of this modern day genesis story? I can only hope. My mission as well as that of my crew, has nothing to do with the terraforming Mars is going through. What an oxymoronic contradiction that is our game to play. Our assignment, our purpose in coming to the Reortus which orbits the red planet living again, is a mission of death.
Now, as I look up into the vastness of stars outside my window, I can’t help but wonder how many eyes are now turned to our small star among the millions of unknown planets. A man can lose himself staring into the fathomless depth and immensity of space. With all our technology, all our theories and reasoning, we haven’t yet found that far distant boundary where the universe comes to an end. Does it end? During my college days, I remember once reading a theory by a once noted physicist, Abdul-Samad ibn Mohammad, that there was neither end nor a beginning to the universe. He was later called a fraud, trying to tie religion in with science and was disgraced in the scientific community. I am not what one would call a spiritual man, but there is indeed something out here that grips you further than just body or mind. Who knows? Maybe I will find my destiny out here, millions of miles from home, upon the sibling planet of our mother earth.

Dr. Alison Cho, video message- June 24rd 2489
Hi, everybody! Mom, dad, Karin, Daphne, I’m here! Sorry I wasn’t able to send you a message yesterday. It was all very hectic and we were bombarded with procedures and briefings that took up, literally, the whole day. When we were going through our health checkup, one of the transfer engineers vomited and went into a seizure. It was mega scary. The doctor on duty said there’s always one or two each transfer who has a bad reaction to the months in cryo. I really felt awful for Capt. Staat though. He seems so different compared to when we met only a few days…okay, it felt like a few days ago, but before we left to the home station he was very outgoing and kind. You could totally see the eagerness in his eyes and the excitement that he emitted made each of us forget the butterflies that were bouncing around in our stomachs.  After arriving to the Reortus, however, he seemed so distant and drawn out. I swear he has more grey in his hair now than he did when on Earth. I can’t imagine being all alone for two whole months. I really hope he gets better soon.

3 comments:

  1. I'm excited to see where this goes. I enjoyed the detail you used in describing the terraform process and space voyage.

    The critique I have is primarily unnecessary wording. I tend to do it a lot myself, but certain turns of phrase do better when streamlined. It would make the narrative flow a little better. (e.g. "oxymoronic contradiction" and "drawn out".) Pare down those redundancies and you're golden.

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  2. I like the changes. I'm glad you clarified certain things, like why the physicist was "once noted."

    My main critique right now is that you are missing commas in places that need them. For instance, after Space Station Reortus in the first paragraph, and after O'Reilly in the second paragraph. I agree with Clayton about the unnecessary wording, as well.

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  3. Thanks for the critique.
    My grammar is horrible. I'll really try to keep an eye on those commas later on.
    Normally when I write in the third person I'm a bit better at keeping the redundancy to a minimum, but this is my first time writing from a first person- journalistic style and so I try to write as if it's a different person. For instance, Captain Staat was inspired by Charlton Heston's character from The Planet of the Apes. Not to mention he's had no one to talk to for two months, so a little drawn out was what I was going for. Alison Cho, on the other hand, I've envisioned her to have grown up in higher class suburbs somewhere and so has a bit of a preppy feel to her as she talks.
    But keep the critiques coming and I'll try to get a comment on everyone else's stories as well.

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